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Thoughts on school

Updated: Oct 2

Oh, where to begin? I consider myself lucky that I'm even in the position to have the problem of having to choose which type of schooling I'd like to enroll my daughter in. That being said, it's still a problem! Between public school, private school, homeschool/co-op, cyber school, nature school, or something in between, it feels like we have infinitely more options available to us in 2025 than our parents did when it was time for us to go to school. So how do I know that what we pick will be the best option for both our daughter and our whole family? This post is a way for me to organize my thoughts, preferences, and concerns surrounding our main schooling options.


Note: For ease of reference, my daughter will be referred to as L throughout the post.


Homeschool


Pros


Less time "wasted" on generalized instruction - more personalization: We can skip content or lessons that aren't relevant to L's interests or learning style. If she's advanced in one area, we can move to higher-level instruction; if she needs more time to grasp a certain concept, we can devote more attention to it. We're not limited to the pace or curriculum that's been designed for a large class of varying developmental levels. For example, in the preschool or kindergarten years, we wouldn't need to spend time on worksheets (which aren't really developmentally-appropriate at that age, anyway) teaching colors, letters, numbers, etc. We naturally incorporate those concepts into our daily life, and L has already mastered them anyway.


More emphasis on developmentally appropriate practice (DAP): DAP is an approach to early childhood education that bases curriculum, teaching, and care on research about child development, learning, and effective early education. If we homeschooled, I'd use DAP principles to create a teaching style that's a mix of classical education with a bit of Montessori, making a unique program for L in each new school year. With my professional background as an SLP and my personal experiences around childhood education, I know I would implement research-based methods into planning L's homeschool curriculum to ensure her lessons are tailored to her individual developmental stage.


Little to no forced memorization or participation: The more I read current literature and research on childhood development/education, the less fond I am of things like circle time, worksheets (see above), and adult-directed "crafts" in the classroom. Circle time activities - days of the week songs, weather charts, etc. - don't help kids build connections to real-life applications of this knowledge. Worksheets... well, I've already touched on that. And adult-directed crafts take the creativity and direction away from the individual child, focusing instead on making a presentable final product to show off to others. I'm more interested in fostering a lack of pressure in L's schooling. There wouldn't be a need for her to demonstrate what she's learned in "traditional" ways - no kindergarten book reports, pop quizzes, or multiple-choice tests for her to prove herself on paper. Unless of course she genuinely wants to do these things to share what she's learned about!


Focus on child-led interests to spark learning across cognitive domains: This one is a fun one! While I'd have a custom curriculum and goals for us to achieve each school year, homeschooling would still provide opportunities for us to do deep dives into special interests as they pop up. We'd have flexibility in our timeline to spend an extra week in one subject (and get caught up in the other subjects the next week, if needed). Or, for example, let's say L becomes fascinated with fairies for a while in kindergarten. We'd have the freedom to spend hours immersing ourselves in that topic: reading every book the library has on fairies, researching other mythical creatures, creating process art (like fairy houses made from toilet paper rolls/sticks/leaves), and even engaging in pretend play as fairies. These activities would naturally incorporate our academic focuses like math language, reading, history/culture, science, and even executive functioning skills like planning and organizing the activities. (This feels really aligned with "whole child learning" to me.)


Easily adapt to best practices based on current research on child development: For example, since we know that being outside is beneficial for children's well-being and cognitive growth (something that recent studies and health guidelines strongly support) I'd make outdoor time a priority whenever possible. Plus I'm just a big fan of integrating nature into our learning as much as possible anyway. We could also focus on practices that nurture behavior, emotional regulation, and self-esteem. (Research suggests that homeschooled children tend to develop stronger emotional skills and self-confidence.) Of course, I'd like to incorporate play-based learning too, which has been proven to be highly effective in fostering a love for learning and building foundational skills. According to WHO’s guidelines on "growing up healthy," play and physical activity in childhood are essential to a healthy, happy adulthood - so the more focus on that, the better.


Ability to participate more in the local community during "business hours": Lots of homeschooling families talk about the luxury of getting out into the community during normal school hours. Our homeschooling work wouldn't take up nearly as much time in the day as public school does - in fact, kindergarten work could be completed in as little as 1-2 hours per day! Also, we could use everyday outings (like trips to the grocery store, doctor’s appointments, library visits, or mornings at the park) as opportunities to teach important social skills and daily life skills. We'd get opportunities for practicing good manners, budgeting for groceries, or learning how to navigate a new space. Field trips would also be a fun way to explore new places and topics, all while learning how to interact with the world around us in meaningful ways.


Joining co-op(s) means exposure to different teaching styles and family dynamics: It'd be interesting to see how different homeschooling families approach the same subjects/skills if we chose to join a co-op. Some might act more as "guides" than direct instructors, or take a more hands-off approach to learning. Others might be more formal or closer to the stereotypical public school teacher. Co-ops can help L understand how people interact and work together toward common goals. For me, I'd get to see how other families handle parenting, teaching, and daily routines. I think it'd expand our worldview and give us perspective into our schooling experience.


More time with my daughter throughout her childhood: I saved this pro for last because it's a bit of a selfish motivation, of course, but it's also perfectly valid. Right now, L is my mini-me, my little shadow. She loves spending time with me - and 95% of the time, I love it too! How long do I have until she outgrows me or is too cool to spend time with Mom? What future memories will we both have of these years? I can resume work or other adult obligations at some point in the future, but I can't put L's childhood on hold. It's passing by too quickly already... homeschooling would let us make more meaningful memories together while we can.



Cons


Have to balance Mom/Wife/Person and Teacher modes: I haven't looked too much into it yet, but I wonder if there's a higher likelihood of parental burnout among homeschooling families. It might be overwhelming at times to wear so many hats - Mom, wife, individual, teacher, maybe even entrepreneur - all at the same time. I'd have to stay organized and disciplined if I want it all to be sustainable. It's important to me to 1) meet L's needs, 2) nurture my relationship with my husband, and 3) take care of myself. Not letting any of these slip up is challenging.


Have to balance homeschooling and working/contributing to the family income: For our family specifically, going from two incomes (okay, maybe more like 1.5) down to one would definitely require some serious financial adjustments. There's also this cultural belief that if you're not earning money from what you do, you're not really "working" or making meaningful contributions to your family. This is just outside noise that I should be able to ignore, but I know it would come up from time to time. If I don't stop outside work completely, I'll have the additional challenge of fitting it all into my weekly routine while maintaining some bit of sanity. Finances can be a touchy subject, so it's not something to quickly dismiss or ignore.


Societal pressure and expectations: Along with the judgements around earning income, there are also social stigmas surrounding homeschooling. Sometimes people are well-meaning, but the questions and comments they make have a negative connotation. Things like "How do you know she's getting a real education?" and "All she does is play and hang out all day." are common. I know we wouldn't owe anyone an explanation (except for the state lol), but it would still irk me a bit to get these comments. People also seem to think homeschooling parents are incapable of teaching complex subjects like calculus or chemistry. The pressure to prove that what we're doing is a "real" education is real!


Homeschooled kids are "weird": This one is a silly one, and a total myth, but I threw it in here anyway since "socialization" is the number one concern I hear when arguing against homeschooling. People assume that kids can only socialize and make friends if they're all in the same school together all day, but that's not the only way. Homeschoolers are not isolated in a bubble with their parents. Tons of extracurricular and daytime activities exist for kids to connect: sports, music lessons, dance, Scouts, church groups, and other community events make it easier to interact with peers on a weekly basis. Also, in my personal opinion, all kids are a little weird - no matter where they go to school.



More links and resources supporting homeschooling:



Public School


Pros


Free and easy to access: Public school is "free" to attend. I put that in quotes because we all do pay school taxes, technically, whether our family uses the public school or not. About 94.5% of the kids in our county use the public school, so it's clear to me that the system is easy enough to figure out and get your kids enrolled in.


Built-in transportation to home and current daycare: This is a big positive for public school if my husband and I are both going to continue to work full time. We'd save time before and after work shifts, since the bus can take L to and from school/daycare. We're already set up with a local daycare that provides after-school care as well. We'd have flexibility throughout the day if we needed to adjust our work schedules for any reason.


More time for parents to work outside the home: Along those same lines, public school hours would allow us to do whatever we need to do (work, errands, appointments, etc.) without having L alongside us. Generally speaking, the hours between 8:30 AM and 3:00 PM are open for anything.


Set curriculum and standards for teachers to follow: No planning necessary for the parents! Having state guidelines and district policies takes the guesswork out of what your child will learn and when. Simply make sure the kid shows up, and the teachers/staff handle it all from there. You'll get report cards and progress updates that prove your child is learning as expected - or that they need a little extra help in certain subject areas.



Cons


Set curriculum and standards for teachers to follow: Yes, I included this as a con, too. While it's nice to have guidelines and policies in place for all students, it also raises some questions for me. Who really sets these standards? What happens when the curriculum isn't engaging/working, or the kids aren't meeting the standards? What about kids who greatly exceed the standards? Having all same-age kids working toward the same standards at the same pace feels like a disservice to the kids who aren't right in the middle of the pack.


Advocating for advanced placement/instruction may be met with resistance: I'm not saying L is a child genius, but the girl is smart and has a thirst for knowledge. In public schools, resources for advanced students are often lacking. It's not that teachers don't care, but they're typically overwhelmed already with their normal job requirements. Also, paperwork in public schools can really slow down processes like testing into gifted programs or dual enrollment. It's up to the parents to spend time/energy advocating for gifted accommodations. Many times, the accommodations end up being after-school or weekend programs that are "supplemental" to what they're doing during school hours - so my question is, why bother sending them to the public school if they're getting more from the outside programs?


Little to no personalized instruction in the general education classroom: I touched on the positives of personalized instruction in the homeschooling section, so I don't need to go into a lot of detail about the flip side of it here. Adult-led and predetermined activities are the norm in public schools (they have standards they need to meet, and a way to prove it!). The students don't really get a say in which topics they learn about, and when, and for how long. There's an emphasis on the teacher doing the talking, and the students doing the listening. Students essentially learn/memorize a skill, demonstrate it back to the teacher (in tests or on worksheets), and move on to the next skill. There seems to be a lack of opportunities for kids to take initiative or collaborate with others in subjects/topics that spark their interests.


Long hours in school simply because society expects it: I read an article on Substack recently that I unfortunately can't find anymore, but the gist of it was this: public school is designed to take up the majority of the workday, so parents can go to work and have somewhere to put their kids. There's no real scientific research saying that kids of all ages need to spend 7+ hours a day, 5 days a week in school to become educated, critically-thinking, successful adults. It doesn't sit well with a lot of people online to see the trend of longer school days, shorter breaks, supplemental virtual/asynchronous days conveniently coincide with societal expectations of two full-time working parents and increasing career demands.


Wasted time spent on unengaging or irrelevant content: Along those lines, because school takes up so much of our kids' time, there's guaranteed to be wasted time. For example: "movie days" at school are fun for the kids, but not a great use of what's supposed to be "educational time". I'm not trying to sound like a No-Fun Nancy, because I enjoyed movie days at school! But we could watch the same movies at home and get way more out of it (read the book before/after seeing the film; talk about it at the dinner table together; create coloring pages with favorite characters). Another example: having to wait for the whole class to learn a specific math concept (like counting by tens) - and if you've already learned it and are ready to move on, too bad. You have to wait until the teacher decides it's time for the next level. Why send L to public school to waste her time with these activities when we could be doing them together, then moving on to more relevant or interesting activities?


Concerns regarding physical and mental development: In traditional American schools, kids spend hours and hours indoors, sitting at desks or on the carpet. From extremely young ages they are expected to sit still and listen attentively for increasingly long periods of time. Not only is this often developmentally inappropriate, but it can have adverse effects on physical health too. Also, consider how public-school students are spending more and more time on screens, even starting in kindergarten! We know this is not great for eye development. Lastly, I'm concerned with the rapidly growing rate of students experiencing significant mental health issues in middle and high school. You can't say the public-school experience is a direct cause, but there's definitely some correlation there.



More links and resources supporting public schooling:


Private School


Note: I kept this section short because my family isn't really considering private school as a front-running option for L at this time. We're mostly torn between public- and home-schooling.


Pros

  1. A good middle ground between homeschooling and public school

  2. Many different teaching approaches, special focuses, and learning environments are available

  3. Smaller, more intimate class sizes

  4. Can foster a sense of belonging and respect for the group


Cons

  1. The most expensive of the three options discussed in this post

  2. Hours and transportation options may not align with the family schedule

  3. Many require applications, interviews, and waitlisting

  4. Less time with L throughout her childhood (a public-school con, too)


More links and resources supporting private schooling:


My Personal Thoughts


Nothing is set in stone for our family. I know we could choose one option, try it out, and change our minds later. If anything changes throughout our experience with one type of schooling that we aren't happy with, we're not locked into it forever. The important thing is, though, whatever we choose has to work for everyone in the household. Whether it's homeschooling or public schooling, there's going to be some amount of compromise between myself, my husband, and even L. We'll all align with the various pros and cons listed above in different ways, and that's okay! As long as we all go into our decision with clarity and intention, I believe our schooling choices will work out in the way that's best for the whole family.


That said, I think this blog post makes it a little obvious that I'm leaning toward homeschooling as the more favorable option for L. Personally, I love teaching and being creative with kids, and this passion just intensifies when it's my own daughter I'm working with. I have a master's degree that directly relates to a key area of cognitive/communicative development (speech-language pathology), and I'm constantly keeping up to date with child development literature just because I find it interesting! Also, we are fortunate to have a least one adult in the house with a steady and reliable income. I recognize that not only is my husband great at what he does, he really doesn't mind working a "normal" job either. He likes his company, they like him, and he's content to keep showing up to work as long as he's being treated well. Having him as our breadwinner is something I don't want to take for granted - it's a big reason why I can even entertain the idea of homeschooling in the first place!


Lastly, I still need to consider all the time and energy that goes into this decision. If we decided to homeschool, it would need to be well planned out, intentional, and achievable given our available resources. Do we have the setup and resources we'd need to get started? If not, how long would it take to plan and set up everything we need? How much of a financial investment would we be making up front? I don't have the answers to all of this at the moment, but I feel confident that our family would be able to figure it out together.

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